> i am not going to attempt to play politics with kenny
> i am not going to attempt to play politics with kenny
> i am not going to attempt to play politics with kenny
> i am not going to attempt to play politics with kenny
> I AM NOT GOING TO LET MYSELF GET INTO ANY MORE DRAMA WITH KENNY. OLD SHIT IS OLD. GET MY HEAD OUT OF THE GODDAMN PAST AND STOP FEELING A LITTLE HURT EVERY TIME YOU SEE HER NAME.

fictional characters who i relate far too closely to for there to be some form of coincidence:

dave strider
vriska serket
fred weasley
sirius black

i think there's some form of pattern showing




augustus waters
merida, from brave

vi slater
kai chang


knife

this is doomed to fail, anyway. just your luck, huh?

emotions are stupid and should be hated

I wish I had a safe space to express all my emotions and to dump them in one place which is kind of what this place is for but then write write rant rant and feels feels dskjgldskjgdslkjgldskjg

Sometimes I wish I was more like how I used to be when I was younger when I would feel free to post passive-aggressive shit in public and let people guess. I'm more afraid of stirring up drama now, I guess.  Words have consequences and the older I grow, the more I realise this. I also think I'm more of a private person now but sometimes I just kind of want to scream it all out and just

yeah

feelings

I simultaneously love and hate them

I also really want a new theme for this blog. Something that isn't quite so eye-burning. But I want orange. Because I'm fundamentally orange.

that's why my ass is so big. it's full of secrets.

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/books/2012/10/cold-pastoral-by-marina-keegan.html

and you want to write something so beautifully poignant, to sketch a life drawing of emotion so realistic that the words are screaming from the page, for them to be able to be the last thing someone thinks of before they sleep at night.

occasionally i get jealous of those people who have lived the college dream. the people who spent four years on campus discovering themselves, discovering other people, forging friendships that promise to last a lifetime. hookups, breakups, that bittersweet romance that tastes like chocolate and tequila that ends with the impact of a car crash after dark.

but then there are days like this where we're all just sitting around listening to acoustic covers in the living room, the buzz of us hammering away at our laptops mingling with each others' in sync, in symphony, and i realise that i didn't need that, won't ever need that. i have so many years ahead of me to figure out who i am and where i'm going, and this strange sense of feeling lost doesn't seem so bad.