I miss my friends. Not that we've fought or anything, but I miss the times we spent together I guess? Before we were all stressed or emo or angry.

Let's go back to a time around September, where everything was perfect and I couldn't have been any happier- when my biggest concern was whether I could make this sleepover or that trip to the mall, when I was still in a post-CamTrad bliss of e-mails and IMs and the Skype conversations that have been dying as of late. Now I look at my Facebook wall and I've recieved oh, hey, a message from Rachel or Sara or Adela and I keep telling myself I'll reply with something nice and meaningful but I keep forgetting and and and and and life isn't really any better, I haven't talked to XX or Amy in AGES, I want to meet Yench and Alex but I can't, I sign into MSN hoping desperately that Lamby or someone will be on but I never have the time to chat for long, I miss Shu Lin and Li Yun and most of all Jianing and... and... I don't know.

I'm losing touch with the world, I'm losing touch with myself. I'm in this pit of essays and tests and promises to myself that I can't afford not to keep, and I'm scared and nervous and worried and there's just so much going on that I have to desensitize with work. Work's becoming like a drug, it keeps me from thinking, the only thing is that I'm not addicted but I wish I was dammit, I need 38 38 38 38 38 A SIX IN CHEMISTRY 38 38 38 38 38 38 but I want more than that dammit, I want a 7 for Chem and at least 40 points is that too much to ask fuck fuck fuck.

I blame the workload. Damn you workload. Damn you grades and offers and rejections and the feeling of inadequacy.