[copied and pasted from The Crew's blog]

A conversation in English class this time last week:

Mr. Walton: And the hawk's species lends it a certain majesty. It is a great animal, better so than a-
Someone: A pigeon? :D
Mr. Walton: Yes, a pigeon! But you know, pigeons in the UK can be vicious.
Wei Yun: Pigeons in Malaysia aren't. XD
Mr. Walton: Well, we should test that theory. Why don't we put Darren on the field and wait for ow long it takes for the Malaysian pigeons to attack him. He shall henceforth be known as.... Pigeon Bait.
Everyone: ROFLMAO MUAHAHAHA

Hence the beginning of a lot of jokes about Darren and his pigeon-ness, which culminated today in the giving of a poem to the class by Mr. Walton. We were told to annotate it.

Because. You know... I wrote Darren a poem to express my love for him.

His goon-like manners, his perpetual grin, and...

The fact that he is sheer pigeon bait.

Enjoy.

And mock Darren.

The Pigeons

To Darren Goon

1 Like an inverted ink-stain they raged towards me
2 Swatting their wings, pecking diamond beaks.
3 They were lions to red meat, wolves to lame sheep-
4 Prey surrounded in my sea of artificial green.

5 Lunging with spears, the pigeons charged
6 As though they were soldiers on the battlefield of chance.
7 They had seen their unsuspecting victim
8 Alone on the night-watch, and barged,

9 Suffocating me by flurry of sulphur and gas,
10 They fired their guns, raging, angry, crass;
11 Stumbling yelling very unmanly shrieking,
12 Fumbling for my gas-mask of death's escape:

13 A crumbled cookie, tossed past the horizon-

14 And they retreated; oh, if this had been the War,
15 They would be shot at dawn,
16 The firing squad's order zooming, rushing past the lawn.

17 Several moons later, beaten, broken, bruised,
18 I found myself again on that man-made turf.
19 The predators were nowhere to be found,
20 Until I heard that ungodly pecking sound-

21 On mud-dashed scrambling trodden emerald green
22 Did I see the pigeon's broken blood pour,
23 Did I see its wan wings and swollen belly
24 Crash and fall into shaken dust.

25 They will attack me no more.


Guiding questions: With reference to the 'artificial turf', what is the exact brand of cookie that the persona (henceforth referred to as Goony) threw?
Name the exact reason that Goony was attacked by pigeons. Clue: Goony-ness.