slowly, i feel the urge to return to this place and make it my own.

what to keep, what to change? i'm not even sure. i've altered my signature to reflect my current mindset more than the last- i'm definitely less stressed out than i used to be. definitely a more mellow person now. still crazy, though. always crazy. always will be. don't want to get rid of that recklessness that makes me who i am. thinking of keeping the background, thinking of changing it... leaning towards changing-

after all the template should reflect who i am, what i am. but it's orange. i like orange. (that much hasn't changed.) still indecisive. (yeah that much hasn't changed either.) always wanting to keep options open, always thinking that something better, something greater is right around the bend. haha i should stop thinking about the future sometimes, and start living in the here and now, learn to truly appreciate who and what i have!

so. who have i become in the past... 3 years?

(and why am i even writing this, other than for the reason that i feel like it? it's not like anybody reads this any more.)

1. i'm in my final year of law now. can't wait to get out. so done with it.  time to fly.
2. i ended up going to king's because i didn't get my 38 with 7, 6, 6 at higher level. best mistake i ever made. wish i could go back in time and tell my younger self that. reading my old posts... wow lol what the actual fuck. 
3. so yes, that means i'm living in london. through a strange turn of events i ended up sharing a house with liyun, who's probably one of the best housemates that i could ever ask for. despite my previous post, that is. 
4. law sucks, by the way. so do most of the people. the few that don't actually make law worth it, but i'm sure that there will be ranty posts about that later. many, many ranty posts about that.
5. i didn't capitalise the last word of the last two sentences.
6. ranty sounds like randy. yeah, i've developed a very dirty mind. 
7. still on ianti, which is probably the cause of said dirty mind. never thought i would be but i am. it's actually become a real part of me, for a silly rp site i joined on a whim. a portrait of my teenage years would be incomplete if i didn't include at least a mention of the place.
8. i have a best friend, which would greatly please 17-year-old me. though i've come to realise that labels aren't that important. she's sitting on my toilet with her legs in a bucket, green gunk on her face, a hairband pulling her hair up and looking like a total moron. i decided to write that all out because i never want to lose that mental image of her and i want to be able to return to it in 10 years and laugh my ass off because it is. fucking. priceless. 
9. had a sort-of-ex-boyfriend. that's a fact that probably won't be that significant once i have a NOT-sort-of boyfriend but an actual one, and i'm not so sure that fact would please my younger self. i don't think she'd be proud of how i handled the situation. come to think of it romance really didn't cross my mind all that much back then, compared to how things are now. but hey, i dumped him, instead of it being the other way round. :D i think she'd be glad to know that much.
10. i usually like making lists, but like i always do with my other lists i'm slowly losing interest in this one.
11. yeah i really can't think of anything else that would sufficiently paint a portrait of who i am now except maybe listing who all my friends are now and stuff but err that just feels weird lol.
12. i still really like orange.

haha. sara said that she never reads old things because we should look towards the future, but at the same time i don't know. it's fun to look back, to reflect on how you've grown. it makes you more aware of the person you are now by taking a glimpse at the person you used to be. look at how much things have changed between then and now... and how wading through my old post feels like i'm wading through murky water, searching for shadows of the past.

WOW. PROFOUND.

... yeah i like caps.