I feel like typing the first thing that comes to the top of my head and I know that that sentence was gramitically incrrect but I'm not looking at the screen as I'm trying this and I'm just following my train of thought I hate this you know, hate hate hate hate this pressure. Do I have the right to be sad? I mean, everyone's going through so much worse, and is as stressed as I am I guess. But I don't know. I don't care. I'm not really making sense and I took one look up at the screen and I saw two spelling errors urrgh and I don't know if I should change them because that would defeat the point of me following whatever I think up of. Broken strings is a nice song, I want to make it a theme song in a story I've thought up of. Speaking of stories I still haven't done MPH yet and I feel like I should give this up or Dublin but both titles seem okay but Dublin is kinda cliche I mean what am I supposed to write about? "The best things in life"

Oh I know "THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE NO EXAMS."

Kthanks BAI

消沉。我不知为什么，但我变得消沉。我不再笑，不再喊，不再呱呱叫。我只坐在棕榈下，默默地等着。

这条路，几时会尽呢？

雨，打在我的身上，洗走我身上的泥土，但无法洗掉我心中的悲哀。

又见棕榈，又见棕榈。

That post made no sense whatsoever.

I can't write in Chinese.

No. Scratch that. I can't write anymore.

I need to stop blabbering and start working. I'm ignoring people on MSN, I'm beating everyone around me up, and I have the time to write shit like this here?

Fuck it.

Did this test a while back, and I got rather happy results back then? Now here's what my results are as of today;;

You are under considerable stress and you are almost about to 'blow your top' but you are fortunate enough to be able to exert control. Control is the name of the game and it is so good to realise that whatever the situation may be a this time - it will pass. You need to get away from everything for a while and if you do, you will find that, strangely enough, it will seem that most of your problems and situations will seem to wash away, just as the sea may wash away 'footprints' in the sand.

You need an atmosphere of peace and quiet and you would like to share a bond of understanding with the 'right person' - you have the belief that with the right person, your stress and anxiety could be minimised.

Compromise is the name of the game at this time and it is the only way you can avoid being deprived of the love and affection you so rightly deserve -so soften up a little, be flexible.

Having experienced considerable disappointment of late and not knowing quite what to do about it this has led you to suffer a great deal of agitation and anxiety. You are trying very hard to make favourable impressions all round. You feel that you have a right to do anything that you wish without being condemned for your beliefs. Everything seems to be going against you and you feel helpless to change the situation. The possibility of failure is most upsetting and this situation is leading to untold stress. You honestly believe that the situation is not of your making - it is not your fault - you have been misled and abused by those that you trusted, but you are trying to look at the situation quite dispassionately. Would you perhaps not agree that this situation could be regarded as unrealistic self justification?

You are worn out and lack both physical and mental energy. This lack of vitality has created an intolerance for any further excitement and you feel that you just cannot carry on; but you have been like that many times before and the situation passed. You again need to get away from it all - even if it is only for a little while. A relaxed body cannot contain a destructive emotion and the secret for you is to just relax.

Sighhhhhhh. -stabs everyone with a sweet smile on her face a la Sara Loh-

Guys, reread the tag thingy, because I edited it to include more people.

This is fun. I like it.

So, instead of doing World Lit 2 which I really should be doing instead of this, I decided to do another tag that I copied shamelessly from deviantArt.

RULES:

1. List facts for 16 different people. [10, but then I went and did another 8]
2. Don't reveal who they are.
3. You can comment but don't answer to guesses. The idea is that no one knows who the facts are indicated to.
4. Tag three (3) people. [Decided to tag people. HAHA.]

EDITED TO INCLUDE EIGHT MORE PEOPLE.

1) I don't know whether you think of me as a friend, or a naughty 5-year-old kid that follows you around that's permanently high on sugar that you have to discipline when she gets too crazy :P The way you speak to me sometimes certainly implies so, but then again you're also a really wonderful person and the talks we have about random stuff when it's just you and me and maybe a few other people never fail to make me smile.

2) You know, I'm a little disappointed in you, disappointed that you took me for granted I guess- or is that my paranoia speaking? But you're still a good friend most of the time, and I'd like to believe the best of you so don't worry, I still think of you as a friend too. Wanted to have a joint birthday party with you once, not sure if that'd be a good idea for us now since we've got such different crowds and I'd invite all my friends from my old school as well, but if you're in I wouldn't mind.

3) You've got a lot of potential, you really do, and I don't want to see you waste it all away when you're drifting around doing nothing. I know you feel all detached and sad at the moment now but if you ever want to talk, I'm here, I'll listen, and I'll do anything within my ability to give you as much help as I can. You've always been a good friend, ( ). Stay that way.

4) You're my best friend, and there's no point of me pretending to hide who you are because everyone will be able to guess this. Haha! But yeah, you're friendly and lovable and adorable and a total idiot but I love you to bits anyway. Sorry if I've been a bit distant as of late, I've been up to my eyes in work lately, but once my IB is over we shall spend every single possible time together because I don't really want to leave you here in Penang when I go off to uni, I'll miss you too much. Come to England, it's better than the US because it's going to have ME!

5) You need some self-esteem, because you're really smart and a model student, all our teachers agree, and a great writer and a great poet and a great friend, and I'm so glad I became friends with you even if I used to get a little annoyed by you sometimes- for the record, that was a long long long long time ago, I don't now okay? Anyway I love you, you're amazing. Keep being awesome and when you're the Poet Laureate you will bring me out of poverty when I'm a starving writer living in a cardboard box.

6) I miss you a lot, along with the rest of them. You're right, the first time you go away to summer camp really is the most memorable one, and I'll never forget the people I met there. Come here. Come come come come come, and WE SHALL RUN AROUND DOING CRAZY THINGS TOGETHER. But then again, didn't we always?

7) God I miss you to bits too, and our Skype convos that seem to have been getting scarcer as of late. I know you'll get into a great school so don't fret; and good luck with ( )! She looks gorgeous from that photo you showed me and you would be so cute together. Don't forget to send me photos of the two of you once you're a couple, especially from prom- which we do have in Malaysia, by the way, you uneducated American capitalist.

8) We've been through so much together, and I'm glad that we're still friends because I can't imagine what life would be like if we weren't any more. The laughs, the jokes, the tears, the everything- they're priceless. I'll always be your ( ) if you promise to always be my ( ), unless of course you meet some hot guy in university named ( ), which we will then fight over. And bring me back some maple syrup. Muahaha!

9) I'll always be there to help you when you fall, because that's what friends are for, and I know you'd do the same for me any time no matter what stupid things I will do in the future. Keep in touch with reality though (funny that it's coming from me of all people. Haha) because no matter how lovely ghosts from the past may seem, they're what they are- ghosts.

10) DON'T GO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOONNNN! You've always been like my brother and I'll miss you too much. NOOOOO!!!!

EDIT: DECIDED TO DO MORE.

11) The three of us have been split up now, haven't we, to three different places? But I still love you to bits, darling. I know you're having a great time where you are right now and even though I wish you were here with me, I'm glad that you've found a place where you feel like you belong again. Despite, or because of, your HH ways, you're one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. Plus, it's fun blabbing about my very random romantic fantasies to you.

12) I wish you'd been in my year, you sick twisted little girl. But then again I left our school after Form 3 so it wouldn't have made that much of a difference- and chances are, without your partner in crime, you might have been different. Your like of sick gory bloody stuff scares me a little, still, but hey it's begun to rub off on me. And I know I can be sick and gory and twisted when I talk to you. You bring out the madhouse in me. Our things in common brought us together, our differences made us such good friends.

13) I wish I knew you a bit better, because you never fail to make me smile with your funny ways and your constant randomness. Can't believe you actually ate what I gave you that day, though. You're adorable. Stay strong, girl, because I know that you can. Things will be okay in the end. If they aren't okay, it's NOT the end.

14) Another person who I wish had been in my year, though in a totally different context. You should open up to more people, because you're really funny and nice when people get to know you, and maybe talk to others a bit more? But hey, thanks for listening and dealing with my constant paranoia. I made it pretty obvious but you're one of the people that knows most about me, even if you feel like you don't. I can only wish that I'd talked more to you before you left.

15) Do I regret being so mean to you? Yes and no, I suppose; yes because you're really a great person when we get to know you well, but no because maybe if we hadn't started out on the wrong foot, we wouldn't have been able to reach the depth of friendship we have now, corny as this all sounds. You're annoying. I can't deny that, but it's that annoying-ness about you that makes you so lovable and cute. And you'd better be a little less gullible so that you don't take candy from strangers when you go out to the real world, darling. I love you;;

16) I'll miss you when you go back to university. And no, I won't get married without your permission- you'd probably maul the guy unless I made him go through an initiation ceremony with you first. If I do get married. Or, you and I could choose to remain celibate and then live in that cardboard box and be starving writers together. How does that sound to you? Neil Gaiman is love.

17) I had a crush on you when I first met you. I'm glad that I was over you before anybody told you about it, and I have no idea how it got out or if that person guessed. My question for you is: Was I really that obvious, or just that little bit too over-friendly? Because I always thought I was good at hiding it. I suppose I'll never know because I doubt you'll ever guess who you are. So happy that we're friends now, because you're such good fun to be with.

18) You don't know how many times I've wished I was you, because despite what you think, sometimes it does look like you have it all: beauty, brains, athletic ability, everything. Whatever it is, there's always a bright light at the end of the tunnel, and thanks for listening to me rant all those times. I'll never forget a certain time we spent together- it's a thing that could only have happened with your knack for doing stupid things and my utter cluelessness.

Tagged: Numbers 1 to 18, if you think you know who you are.

If you aren't sure, do it anyway. This tag is fun to spread around.

And feel free to throw your guesses at me- not in public, but over MSN. This will be interesting.

Anyway. I shall now write 25 happier random facts about me, so that I don't post anything too emo-sounding on Facebook.

1) I LOVE The Best Damn Thing. It's not the most thought-provoking song but if I was a jealous girlfriend, I would so be singing that song. The lyrics don't sound like me, they ARE me.
2) I only started liking orange after my friend declared how much she hated it, and I defended it, and after a while... the colour grew on me. A bit too much.
3) I've always wondered what it would be like for me to be a guy. I mean, since people already think I'm a lesbian. Haha!
4) The best ice-cream I've ever had was at Swensen's. Sticky Chewy Chocolate Sundae. Yum.
5) I've wondered what it would be like if teachers found my blog, and whether they'd think of me differently.
6) Even though it may not seem like it at times, I really believe that life is what you make out of it and that if you have food, a family, a roof over your head and that if one person loves you no matter who they are, you do not have the license to say that your life sucks because there are others that have it so much worse.
7) I also think that you should be able to rant about things, and that it makes you feel better.
8) I have a pretty good relationship with my parents even if they are overprotective idiots most of the time.
9) A lot of what I say and do has a reason behind it, even if I don't realize it at the time.
10) I used to have long hair until I was 8, then was forced to cut it.
11) I can't finish books unless I read them in one sitting. Sad but true.
12) Nevertheless, I LOVE reading and want to be an author.
13) "If you don't dream big, what's the use of dreaming?"- Love it.
14) I've been called a lot of things in my lifetime, ranging from "the mean bully" to "the nice sweet girl".
15) A lot of the time, I feel as though I play a role in a certain group of people. In school I'm the hyper annoying one. With SOBA I'm the boss' boss. With Shu Lin and Hai Sherng I'm just another retard. I've actually been the sane one too, when I was "spying" on people in and running around playing retarded pranks.
16) I'd be interested to know what people see me as being like, but of course I don't think I'd get a totally honest reply.
17) I don't mind playing all these roles, actually! People just know me in different ways, that's all.
18) If you really knew me, I'd probably be just like what you see, only different.
19) I can be paranoid and worry about the world hating me then totally forget about it the next second when something good happens.
20) My mother thinks I must be bipolar. I wouldn't be surprised.
21) I like chemistry a lot but doesn't mean I'm any good at it. I also love English and history. Especially Russian history!
22) Avenue Q is my favourite musical, but I really haven't watched that many.
23) I actually have a private blog. No, you can't have the URL, it's a bit too personal.
24) One day, I'm going to run away from everything I know, find some spot in the middle of nowhere and just sink into my imagination.
25) Wake me up when the IB ends. Sighh.

There. 25 happier facts. How's that, Alex?

Yench has introduced me to the wonders of talking in haikus.

Went driving today
Have yet to kill anyone
I am a success.

Did the three-point turn
Mastered getting up the hill
Muahahahaha.

Read this;; shameless plug.

And because I was the one that gave him the tag to do this.

Introducing: Yench.

http://crimsoncourreges.deviantart.com/art/Brocade-112519643

I'm kinda proud of this.

Read. Comment? :D

The highlight of the day was getting stuck in school with Pin for more than an hour.

Browsing through her old photos. Searching for her demotivational posters on her flash drive and giving up on finding them. Looking at pictures of the two of us and everyone else from Year 11 to now. Bitching about IB. Talking about Honey and Clover. Telling her about all the hot guys from MUN last year. Mentioning the gay-ness of TAPS. Thinking back to old times. Dreaming about the future. Laughing about Ouran. Laughing at the world.

Best friends can't always be forever, but friendships always can.

I always have a soft spot for those that suffer from unrequited love.

Book characters. Those from anime. In my own writing.

In real life.

Because a long time ago, I felt the same way.

Tagged several zillion times on Facebook. So yeah. 25 random facts about me, or relating to how I feel. Note that some of them are pretty surprising if you don't know me that well.

1) If romance does what I've seen it do to my friends, it might be a good idea for me to stay single, because I don't know whether I'd be able to cope.
2) I've been asked whether I'm a lesbian several times. The bad news, girls? I'm straight.
3) I tend to get moments where I feel unloved by everyone I know.
4) I'm the world's worst attention-hog. Whether you've realised it or not.
5) Paramore's music reminds me of me. Taunting and angry at times, but emotional on the inside.
6) Hayley Williams is probably my favourite female singer at the moment.
7) I hate Katy Perry for some weird reason, even though she reminds me of myself too.
8) I wish I was pretty.
9) I have self-esteem issues. It's always too high or too low.
10) Despite my dislike of Katy Perry, I actually like her songs (except for I Kissed a Girl). Don't know why I don't like her.
11) I thought of a high school story over the summer, and the things that happened in it are slowly beginning to come true, albeit in different forms.
12) I wish I could draw.
13) I wish I could write.
14) I once shouted all my inner feelings out over deviantArt's Shout it Out project, and I wish I could do it again.
15) If all the stuff in the high school story comes true bit by bit, I know who I'll end up dating. All I have to say to that is EWW.
16) No, I'm not going to tell you who it is. Because it's DISGUSTING.
17) I love Russian history. It's the best part of my current history syllabus.
18) I tend to say things that people take the wrong way.
19) I know I can write. Sometimes.
20) I don't know what I'd do if I didn't become an author, because I don't want to be in an office job forever. It'd be fun for a while, but not for my whole life. Maybe work in the UN? Go into journalism?
21) I am paranoid. In more ways than one.
22) Since CamTrad, it's been getting harder for me to get attached to people.
23) I sometimes look back at the people I met at different phases of my life, and wonder if I had met them under different circumstances, if I had been there or they had been here, whether we could have become best friends.
24) I miss the CamTradders more than I should.
25) Deep down, I'm really afraid of being alone.

I spoke to a lawyer today.

He talked to me about one of the two universities I was thinking of going to. He said that they taught law in not only a technical context, but that they also taught it as a social science, showing us the human side of law as well as the law as cold, hard, truth. He talked about how wonderful the place was. He said the people were interesting. Energetic. Great.

I know where I want to be now. I know where would make me the most happy. For the first time after I got turned down by Cambridge, I feel secure again- I know I'll have a great time in London, like how I knew I would have a great time in Cambridge. My future is clearing up. The fog is beginning to roll away, though the last wisps will remain until I get my ideal IB score.

By the way?

His name is also Wei Yun. Arvin Lee Wei Yun.

This cannot be coincidence.

LSE, here I come.

I feel sick.

OfthislifeofthisschoolofthispersonthatI'vebecome, ofhomeworkschoolworkpressurestress. Ofpeopleofyouofhimofher, ofeverythingiseeinfrontofmeSTABSTABSTAB. ofeverythingioncedesiredandwhatiwishicouldbe-

And because I have a fucking cold.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. Is that okay?